Friday, June 12, 2015

EMPLOYMENT BUZZWORDS TO BEWARE


You've graduated, congratulations! Now what?

Aside from the probable gap year (which I highly recommend to everyone), you're going to have to start earning your keep and stop depending on your parents.

My friend said it best when they so eloquently bemoaned
   " My mom told me that I now have to start paying for my own shit.  "

The good news is that getting yourself employed is easier than you think. (These are some pretty cool places you can send your resume out to.) If you can write decently, carry a conversation (you wouldn't believe how important this is, but more on that another time), and are relatively well groomed, you can bet that getting a job shouldn't be an issue. However, take note if these terms surface during the interviews. (Hint: they're probably not what you think they mean.)

***
Employment Buzzwords to Beware 

   Flexible working hours
Expectation: 
I can start work at 11am and end at 7pm. Or at 10pm and end at 6am. As long as I put in 8 hours a day (sometimes less) everything will be fine and dandy.

Reality:
Work never ends. And your 'official working hours' are 'all the time', weekends included. (My friend's boss once called her at 12.30am for something that wasn't even remotely urgent and expected her to take care of it. Right. Away.)

   Mobile location
Expectation:
Whee! I can work from home! Or Starbucks! Or even go away to the beach as long as I have Internet to reply to emails!

Reality:
You have to work from home. Or Starbucks. Or even when you're away at the beach as long as you have Internet to reply to emails. And when you get into the office, there won't be a designated spot for you to sit so just have to find an empty  meeting room where you can camp out (that is, until a bunch of people show up to hold a meeting, kick you out, and you'll have to hunt for another empty meeting room and repeat the process all over again.)

   No fixed leave
Expectation:
Awesome! I can take 6 months of paid vacation, twice a year!

Reality:
You're going on leave? Really? It's not a good time now honey. No, 3 months from now isn't a good time either. In fact, there's chock-a-block projects and deadlines for you to handle until the earth has completed a full orbit around the sun. Check again in a leap year's time. 

   Company phone 
Expectation:
An iPhone 6 with unlimited data? Yasss! Imma Youtube, download all the music and movies I want and so much more!

Reality:
I know your laptop is infected with a nasty virus and is currently with IT for a major overhaul, but are you done with your presentation and proposal was supposed to be handed in yesterday? Have you sent out that project brief to our vendors? What do you mean you haven't installed MS Office or Adobe PDF reader in your phone? 

Why didn't you pick up my call at 12.30am yesterday? What's the point of you having a company phone if I can't reach you 24/7? (Also related to 'flexible working hours')

   Diverse and interesting jobscope:
Expectation: 
I can do everything and anything!

Reality:
You have to do everything and anything.

***
The point I am trying to hammer home is to take all your so called benefits with a large pinch or spoonful or salt. While most of these seem exaggerated and out of the norm, it isn't impossible for these scenarios to occur (in fact most of them have played out in real life). 

I'll end here by tweaking a famous line from spidey's Uncle Ben

   " With great privileges come great expectations. "



Happy job hunting everyone!

No comments:

Post a Comment