Wednesday, March 12, 2014

DATING DIARIES : DATING TO DATE

From the response generated from my recent posts, a lot of people seem to have rather varied ideas on what dating means. I thought it would be good to share my thoughts here as well. From my perspective, dating falls into two categories.

 " Dating to Date & Dating to Invest. "

I'll be talking about the first part in this post.

      Dating to Date


When you date to date, you're going out with someone purely to get to know them better at surface level - their likes / dislikes, hobbies, interests, etc. This allows both parties to figure out how compatible the both of you are ; to establish how well you get along as friends and whether you'd like to keep it at that, or if there is any potential to take things to the next level. At this stage, it is completely acceptable for either party to go out on dates with other people. 

ON PAIN OF DEATH, do not say things like

   " Where do you see this relationship going? "
   " How do you feel about 'us' ? "

   " How many kids should we have? Also since we're on the topic, should we get a dog or goldfish? "

I haven't even decided if I like you well enough to share dessert with you to go as far as to consider if I want to share my life with you. (If you do however, bring up such things I will be more inclined to stab you with my steak knife than offer you a portion of my cheesecake.)

After getting past the first few awkward initial dates, I'll only be able to tell how well I'll be getting along with them based on how well both of us connect in conversation and how comfortable I feel with them 

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When you date to date, it's better to do so in a relaxed environment without too much pressure or expectations on each other. I can't say the same for everyone, but I wouldn't be too relaxed meeting someone unfamiliar for the first time at a fancy Michelin star restaurant  ; what with having to deal with being in such a delicate surroundings and having to dress in proportionately posh attire. 

I'd probably pronounce 'Foie Gras' wrong, accidentally break one of their champagne flutes,  and set fire to the tablecloth - all before the entree.
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     That tablecloth is going to go up in flames before our maitre'd arrives with the foie gras.

On that note, other ideas I feel would be equally unsuitable for the initial dating phase include family dinners, weddings, and other events along those lines. However, that doesn't mean that your first date has to be on the street grabbing burgers and fries from a cart and eating by the pavement. 

Checking out a planetarium / science museum, flying a kite then having a picnic in a park, going on a boat ride in a lake, ice skating, visiting a library (this probably only applies to me) and exploring the city would be among other fun ideas in my book. That being said, it doesn't mean the same goes for everyone. Know what you both enjoy and work with that.
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       Photo credits : Canadian Boy

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I think it's sweet and I appreciate affectionate gestures such as taking my arm to show me the way when I'm uncertain or when crossing a busy road, giving me a brief hug, rubbing my shoulders and hands for some warmth when I'm cold.

Nevertheless as a girl, it is on you to know your worth and value yourself as such. If you carelessly give yourself away to any Tom Dick and Harry that comes along, sooner or later every guy will expect that your body be readily available at no cost. Respect yourself and you will in turn command respect. The guy you're out with may have his own interpretation of it which may be accurate, but then again he might not. Don't depend on another person to safeguard your own interests. Clearly define what is acceptable and what is not.

It's crucial to take things slow in this area because you're testing the waters and whether you want to venture further. However if you jump right into the deep and then only realize you don't have what it takes to stay afloat, it's much harder to backpedal. By the time you realize they don't actually care a toss about you, it makes it that much harder to cleanly end things  on a good note after being physically vested in them.

That is not telling you to insert the title 'Sister' in front of your name, cover yourself from head to toe, go to the chapel, and start singing hymns in the pews.
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          You'll have bigger issues than solving a problem like Maria.

All I'm stating is that physical affection should not be the emphasis. You want to evaluate your compatibility as two people and that doesn't have to take place under the sheets.

If you've been going out for some time and realize that there is more to this relationship than just a platonic one and this is actually someone you see yourself sharing more of your life with. It's time to consider if both of you are ready to make the transition towards Dating to Invest.

                        










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