Monday, December 31, 2012

FINAL MINUTES

here's presenting another outfit post to you guys. i do really enjoy making these, dressing up puts me in a good mood for the day. :)


if you look closely you can see my tanlines from the ipoh + penang roadtrip.


gold chandelier necklace : aussie
sunflower ring : asian avenue
watch : guy laroche
aztec print dress : billabong

***

so, it's another year gone, another year of singledom firmly stamped. 

(yes i know i'm writing about a lot of relationship-ey stuff lately, but screw it if you're complaining. writing is my therapy and this is my blog so i can do whatever i want.)

david was chatting with me the other day, and suddenly up came this intriguing enquiry. 

"doesn't the loneliness bother you sometimes?"
"well.. that's an interesting question."

because if i'm being honest, the answer would be yes. but loneliness, is that a reason to get yourself into a relationship? just to feel good that you now have someone to call your own? 

then he asked me, well aren't you bothered when you see others being so seemingly happy with their partners? doesn't it make you wish you had someone as well?

in response to his question, i admit that i wish i had someone sometimes, but it has nothing to do with the status of those around me. any normal human being craves affection and emotional fulfillment ; i am no different.

people should get attached when they're ready, not when they're lonely. because that's just a selfish reason for getting another person into the picture ; having someone purely for the sake of you not being on your own. to try to build a relationship solely to close that chasm? you're trying to fit people into a gap in your heart, like an impatient and frustrated toddler attempting to force different blocks into a mould that is really only meant for that one compatible block.

you try so hard to push them in although they're not the right fit, but in the end you have to let them go. each new one that comes along gives you a newfound hope that this, THIS may be THE ONE and you cling to them a little tighter, try even more doggedly to fit them in. 

every time a person leaves, that emptiness just grows more and more acute and you grow more and more desperate to have someone, ANYONE to be there for you. you're so disheartened after all the failed attempts that you end up feeling bitter, forlorn, and dejected.


you try and try, and with each time you alter what you're looking for just so slightly, in the hopes of accommodating each new person. in the end after so many tries, even you've forgotten what you wanted in the first place because every time you get involved with someone, it affects you. you may say nay, but i still say that relationships do impact people even after they've long ended.

***

instead of constantly thinking all the time and fretting about being single, one should immerse and find joy in all the love and beauty already surrounding them. in family, friends, pets, nature, and most importantly with God. instead of hoping and waiting for someone to appear and fulfill all the expectations that you've set for a relationship, you should work on rising to those challenges and make yourself a better person, because that'll itself will attract another person on par with those standards that you've set and laid down for yourself.


when you wait and persevere for your standards and expectations, and ask God to provide the right person, you'll immediately know when they come along. you would not have waited too long, nor would they  be late. you both would have found each other precisely when the time is right. the wait will have been worth it, the victory of finding each other would be all the sweeter, because you abided your time and had been patient. 


wow.

now, that was a whole load of deep and jaded jumbled thoughts. i had no idea, where did they even come from? ahh well. one thing i do know, it sure feels surprisingly refreshing to write all that down. :)

still there? good, good. 

here's a goofy picture to lighten things up after all the seriousness and heaviness of this post! :D


out with my bro yesterday ; took ridiculous pictures at the apple store, set them as desktop wallpapers, then ran away giggling hysterically like complete juveniles.

***

well, i'll wrap up here. i wish all of you a Happy New Year, and hope you'll have a great one ahead! 


                        

Saturday, December 29, 2012

THE DAY MY PARENTS BROUGHT A PUPPY HOME

the title of this post is self-explanatory.

last night, i was asleep in my room when i awoke to my siblings pulling on my arm.

me : huh.. what..
them : mum and pa brought a puppy home!
me : uhh.. okayy.. * rolls over and goes back to sleep*

the next morning, i came down and saw it. my parents had gone to visit a friend last night, and their bitch had given birth to a litter of puppies. with so many little dogs pandering for attention and care, they had been asking everywhere for people to take them in.



my reaction was - HOW ON EARTH DID THIS HAPPEN?! if i know one thing about my mum, it's that she's always been against having a dog. 

i myself was lost in comprehension. not to say i dislike animals, in fact i do like them a lot. however, animals (especially those such as dogs. fishes, not so much) come with huge amounts of responsibility. i mean, we'd need to clean up after it, take it for veterinarian appointments, provide it with food, take it for walks and spend time with it.

not to mention when we go away on holiday, who would look after it then? 

i spewed and sputtered all this to my mum as i was truly astonished that she had allowed herself to be persuaded by the friend to take the puppy back. yes, it was adorable, but i was also thinking about the puppy's interests. i knew for sure that we were incapable of being good masters to it, and that it probably wouldn't feel happy with us.

better to face up to reality and awkwardly explain to its owners now why it would be unsuitable for us to keep it, than to accept it only to end up with it being unhappy and us feeling guilty and regret letting ourselves be persuaded.

i insisted staunchly that we HAD to take it back. my mum, who at first had been wavering towards keeping it finally was convinced as well after hearing my tirade of rationality and logic. 

we loaded into the car - my mum, sister, myself oh and yes of course, the puppy as well. driving to the friend's house, we were all dithering and apprehensive about how to tell them that we were returning the animal after just one night. 

nevertheless, we ought not have worried. arriving at their front door, the maid greeted us and told us that no one was in. overjoyed that anxious explanations and drawn out excuses were not required, gaily we unloaded the puppy into her arms, jumped back into the car and drove home in relief.


you were cute. sorry you couldn't stay with us though.
i'm sure you'll find much better owners and be happy with them.


                     

Thursday, December 27, 2012

DAY IN THE LIFE : 27th DEC 2012

hey there peeps!

haven't done any of these 'day in the life' posts for a long time because lets face it, my day-to-day life isn't exactly always a party. i think for even my most regular readers, there's only so much of running / food / random details they can take, yes? 



EATS OF THE DAY

meal 1, 1030hrs
- coffee [that is NOT a proper meal, but somehow i didn't feel like eating a solid breakfast. probably due to not eating properly because of so much travelling and moving round recently.]

meal 2, 1430hrs
- kangkung belacan
- scrambled eggs with tomatoes

snack, 1600hrs
- coffee

meal 3, 2130hrs
- oats with milk + raisins
- 4 pcs of papaya

DEEDS OF THE DAY

vacuumed the house from top to bottom, just cos i felt like it.

went running in the afternoon. first long LONG run after some time! 16.44km.

updated this space which has been dormant for a week now.

i realize what i ate today is way less than my usual. oh well.




Thursday, December 20, 2012

JUST WHAT I WANTED

although i've been busy running around a lot lately and just returned home a couple days ago, i didn't feel like staying at home and bumming today and went window shopping with my sister. she didn't want to, but i whined and reminded her that if she didn't come with me now, there would be many more days to stay home doing nothing, and THEN she'd wish that she had something to occupy her time with.


i seriously can't remember when was the last time i went shopping and flipped through racks of clothes, or ran my hand along silky fabrics, or browsed through bags and accessories. it felt like such a pleasure to be able to do so after such a long time!

didn't buy the outfit in the picture, but i purchased a peacock-feather patterned maxi. no idea when i'll be able to wear it, but it's so pretty i just had to have it! 

***


11km. 
soaked to the skin but happy and contented. :) 

at 5pm, the skies were clear. despite knowing what the weather forecast said, i decided to take a chance on it as i've been seriously exercise-deprived over the past month. got drenched because of my gamble, but it was worth it! 

                        



Tuesday, December 18, 2012

LET'S TALK

so after my finals ended last thursday, it was off to youth camp for me. i just got back yesterday and i'll be going off to penang (again) in another couple of days. which leads me to my next point.

i haven't worked out for more than a week now ; my last session was last tuesday. being inactive and not keeping up with exercise for so long has really put a damper on my spirit. to be honest, the frequency of my workouts decreased dramatically after PBIM as right after that, it was time to step it up academically with assignments, tests, and finals. 

not saying i've stopped completely, just that for the previous month i've only been working out 1-2 times a week as compared to 4-6 times as i usually do.

during training it may seem like a mean bitch, you may look like a total complete mess with sweat running down your red face and your breath coming out in gasps. but i'm always reminded of why i keep at it when i'm rewarded with energy, vibrance, and positive spirits after that.


the absence of exercise is seriously getting to me because not working out equals to lack of endorphins, lack of energy, and this lousy lull of lethargy and sluggishness. 

not that i've gained weight or anything, i still look the same. in fact, from the way my clothes fit me now i think i've even dropped a bit on my weight after camp. it's how i'm feeling on the inside that's really getting me down.

because being healthy and fit is way more than that. sure, it's nice to look good and have clear skin, a good physique, nice hair. but that inner glow and satisfaction, your emotional wellbeing and self esteem are also things that come in the same package. not working out for a week may not result in any significant weight gain or obvious changes on the surface, but boy, it still affects you just that you don't see it.

***

but it's not what you do once in a year that matters, it's what you do with the other days, all through out the year that counts.

personally, i think having a dedication to being fit is great. but there will always be lulls and rushes, ups and downs, highs and lows, pause and plays. and that is perfectly O-K.



i know, I KNOW that this is only a short term thing. i know without saying, that when all this excitement, festivities, and whatnot have died down, my usual routine and training will be resumed. hence i'm not beating myself up or feeling too guilty about it. after all, christmas and new years are once in a year.

another thing is that if i haven't been so consistent with exercising lately, i guess that might not entirely be a bad thing because it's made me realize how much i need it and how not getting it drags me down. it's not a bad thing to cut back, immerse in other activities and enjoy the other aspects of life (relationships, travel, food, etc) even bum around mindlessly for a while. i just have to bear in mind that  this is only temporary. when all this has died down in a week or so, my real life of consistent training will still be there awaiting me. 

and i shall gladly to return to it. 


" IT'S NOT WHAT YOU DO ONCE IN A WHILE ; IT'S WHAT YOU DO MOST OF THE TIME THAT MATTERS. "




                     


Thursday, December 13, 2012

ROCK CLIMBING @ TAMAN CABARAN, PUTRAJAYA

some time ago, jared asked me on an outing to go rock climbing which was organized a group of people he knew as acquaintances. i suspect it was because he didn't know most of the others and merely wanted a companion whom he knew would enjoy it too. a few days later, another friend of mine eugene asked me if i wanted in on a rock climbing trip over to taman cabaran putrajaya.

turns out that this outing was the same one jared asked me to and it was planned by daniel (eugene, dan, and i all went to the same high school) small world, eh? 

so on the fine day that was last saturday, a group of us headed over to the said location. eugene and i in one car, and the rest in another car.


taman cabaran covers a huge area and offers a skate park, bike trail, and climbing complex.


that's eugene at the entrance.

we reached ahead of the others and scouted around the place first. i'm really thankful i went with this group ; them all being enthusiastic climbers, already had their own gear which we shared among us. otherwise i would've had to pay a lot more in fees. entry charges (not including equipment such as harness, belay device, shoes, chalk, etc) are a mere RM3, which is mind-bogglingly cheap considering the extensive facilities that are available at the climbing complex.

on that same note, screw you Camp 5!


i was the only girl, hence the lack of pictures in this post. the downside about hanging out with guys is that they never want to take pictures. before we left, i wondered aloud if we should take a group picture, but they just looked at me blankly and i said mmph, forget it. :P

more pictures from the inside of the complex.




jared, the only other person i took a picture with that day.


stupid pimple between my eyes, yeesh. =.=




                     

Monday, December 10, 2012

IPOH + PENANG Pt.2

here's to continuing blogging about the trip north in the days leading up to PBIM.

while we were in ipoh, we visited this place called Kellie's Castle.


it seems that this castle was built more than 50years ago by a wealthy englishman who owned estates in malaya. however he passed away before its completion and it was left unfinished.



me being as enthusiastic about it as possible. seriously, the weather that day was insane. the sun was scorchingly hot and there was hardly any breeze or at least clouds to lessen the wrath of the sun's rays. sweat streamed down our faces and we were all so hot and bothered and sticky! X(


the castle was built across this river with only one bridge, where the ticket booth was set up. so if you really want to, you can choose to swim across the river instead of using the bridge to cross and forgo paying the RM4 entry fee.



stone corridors.



took a picture along the corridor, but there were so many other people visiting the site on that day as well! took multiple tries but this was the picture with the least people.


there was a passage leading to the rooftop, where ben and i ventured. szejiun stayed below because he was scared of heights.



ben :)



jumpshot! right when this picture was snapped, my slipper flew off and over the edge of the roof.



we saw bats there too.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

TECH ISSUES

 

oh, i know i haven't updated for quite a while now. reasons being :

- there are some technical issues with the computer in my house. hence, no internet connection at home. i'm typing this from the lab in college.

- also, it appears i've also reached the maximum limit for photos on blogger. my current fix to the problem is that i've created a dummy facebook account, posting up pictures there, then proceed to copy and paste them here. however since i love posting all my pictures in fullsize resolution, it will probably only be a temporary solution until i figure out how to deal with this tiresome issue.

- in addition, finals are also looming right in my face. i just dealt with a paper, but it was only moral.



the 'big' papers are only coming up next week. media planning, media issues, and scriptwriting. 

i just watched V for Vendetta as it's going to be one of the movies we'll have to analyze in the media issues paper. have you watched it? because if you haven't you totally should ; it's amazing. well it's a tad lengthy , dialog is extremely rich and varied, and there are a myriad of subplots. i had to watch it twice to understand it. nevertheless, i must conclude that it's an amazing movie and the script is simply ingenious. 

this is completely unrelated, but i'm going rock climbing in putrajaya tomorrow. 
rock climbing, woohoo! :D

Sunday, December 2, 2012

UNATTACHED

the other day, i put on a dress and wedge sandals. i didn't have anything special on, but once in a while it's nice to look pretty just for the heck of it.

when she saw me, one of my friends said "aiya, why dress so nice today?"
i responded "is it not allowed?"

she asked further "you're going somewhere later? meeting up with friends?"
i answered her "no."

then she suddenly exclaimed "I KNOWWW!!!"
"you have a boyfriend already right! THAT'S the reason you've been dressing up nicer lately!"

i said indignantly "oh, so that's how it is now, is it? i need to have a boyfriend to please to give me a purpose to look nice?"

so the only reason for me to dress up is just for the sake of other people's viewing, to please the male gaze? i can't look nice because i want too? like seriously, what the heck.

***
anyway, since we're on the topic, i may as well add something more.

a friend and i were talking about BGR stuff the other day. he told me that if he had a girlfriend, he would want to see her at least once a day and talk / sms / chat with her multiple times through out the day.

i thought for a while, then i said that if i were to be attached, it wouldn't be a solid must for me to see him every single day or need to talk and know each and all the details of what he's up to or about to do. neither would i expect him to frequently come over, or to consistently shower me with texts through out the day and to give me goodnight call every night. (that's suffocating!)

now, here's the part which got me infuriated. after listening to what i had to say, here's what my friend told me.

"well, if you feel like that then what's the point of even getting together? you might just as well not bother because by the way you put it, it's as though you barely even care about him."

"it's as if you two having the 'boy / girlfriend' status as just a title on the surface. just a title, because you guys are so distant and nonchalant towards each other. how it sounds, you aren't even behaving like a couple."



***
i may not feel the need to constantly seek reassurance and compliance from my guy if i were in a relationship. so i may not feel anxious if i don't get a text from him, i may not worry if he forgets to reply to a message. i may not feel the urgent and critical need to see him every day.

and according to you.. this means i don't care about someone?

well, perhaps people are just different. maybe some people don't need to be so immersed and attached to being in a relationship. maybe some people actually enjoy still having their freedom to go out and have space for their own hobbies and interests, but it doesn't mean that they can't care about someone else.

yes, it would be great to see him and of course i'd want adequate communication. if he gave me stuff or took me out, i'd feel appreciative and happy about it. but i wouldn't demand and expect anyone to do all the time, every single day as though it's their job and not doing so means they don't care about me.
.....
i value my independence and ability to move about and appreciate all the other wonderful aspects of life which may not necessarily involve having a guy, but i don't believe that makes me any less capable to care and show concern towards others. i don't believe it lessens my capacity as an individual to love another person.

oh well, but anyway as of right now i think i'm doing pretty alright so far being single. doubtless i don't deny it would be nice to be able to do some things that those in relationships are able to, like cuddle with someone while watching a movie. but still, i can cope without. :)



                       

Saturday, December 1, 2012

THE WORK OF AN ANGEL



not too long ago in november, Victoria's Secret held another of their much anticipated runway shows.



i admire their insanely toned and defined bodies and think that they are amazingly gorgeous. sure, they may be physically blessed to a certain extent, but the angels do have to put in a lot of their hard work and effort to get those results. 

what're they doing when they're not working the runway?


check them out - sweaty, dripping, flushed, and out of breath.


messy hair, bruised knuckles, and puffy faced.


candice swanpoel during an angels rooftop yoga session.


miranda kerr is too cute!

in the month leading up to the event, they also have to follow a specially designed diet revised by a panel of nutritionists, which consists of  fruits, shakes and juice made of alfalfa, spinach, egg whites, chia seeds, and oatmeal.

all that hard work, to look like this on the big day.






however i must say that gorgeous as they may look, working out for hours every single day and having to adhere to an extremely strict and rigid diet is ridiculously unrealistic for your average person. well, i guess having a career as a VS angel means that you have to put into it the same focus as you would with any other career, only in a different manner.

one of the angels, Doetzen Kroes explains “It’s my job. You can’t compare my life to somebody who goes to work every day ; I have to look this way.”

i wouldn't ever compare myself or wish to be like them. nevertheless, i still admire them for putting as much dedication and determination towards their profession as they do.