Thursday, November 1, 2012

WILD HEARTS


for those of you who don't already know, i'm a communications student. i had already known even in high school that communications was something i wanted to venture into because though i was a science stream student and did fairly o-kay in my science subjects (A's for both chem and physics again? pfft, what else is new), my passion lay in writing, in conversing with others, in photography (although saying i'm an amateur would be an understatement) and the fact that i find other people so fascinating. 

that boy in a suit and tie looking nervously at his watch?
the skinny girl staring at the cakes and pastries but only getting a diet coke?
the lady in her 30s carrying a business folder, with perfectly coiffed hair, a pencil skirt, with a collared blouse and patent heels?

i love people watching and can just sit for hours in cafes and restaurants looking at others pass me by wondering all kinds of things and making up stories about them. which is probably why i found my subject of Social Psychology so delightfully interesting. 

"Social Psychology : the study of people, their thoughts, attitudes, behaviors and actions."

one of the topics under social psych is attraction. or in more common comprehensible terms, Love. one of the theories to explain of how different people react when in relationships is the Attachment Styles theory. there are four attachment styles.

  • Secure attachment - people who fall under this category are secure, confident, and comfortable in their relationships. they trust their other halves care about them and feel assured and certain in their relationships.

  • Anxious attachment - the clingy girlfriend belongs to this category. these people are constantly worrying that their partners don't love them enough, that they are being cheated on or left alone. 

  • Ambivalent attachment - a combination of the variety of attachment styles.

  • Avoidant attachment - people like these are a curious lot. they desire relationships, to love and to be loved. however they fear getting close to anyone and resist letting others know them better. they feel uncomfortable turning to others for help. possibly due to previous relationships, they are wary about falling too hard or too fast for anyone, hence push others away to create 'emotional distance' in an attempt to slow things down and give themselves time to calculate more carefully not to repeat the mistakes of their past. nevertheless, avoidant people cannot forget their past relationships no matter how ever hard they try or how long ago it was. often, they have this mindset that no one could ever love them. they believe this so strongly that their thoughts become their actions. hence they avoid getting into relationships because they think they are saving themselves and also the other person from getting hurt in the future.

when i was leafing through this chapter in my textbook, i suddenly realized how alike i was to the last type of attachment style. i suppose subconsciously, i always had this annoying negative underlying notion that no matter what, any relationship i'd ever be in would be screwed. 

i need to get rid of this irritating mindset unless i want my future to end up like in the image below.


                        

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