Friday, June 15, 2012

NIGGLING


this post may sound utterly presumptuous to some people ; but say what you want, i'm still going to go ahead.

***

ever since i became like THIS, i've gotten a lot of attention from those who have known me since before i started being healthy and exercising. while it has changed me a lot from the inside and made me way different person, i can't deny that it has resulted in huge (pun!) changes on the physical front as well.

and that is the issue. how do i trust that guys are not just interested in how i look? those who knew me from way back, who never  noticed me or paid heed to me, who were busy chasing after other girls, are now asking me when we can meet up. 

case in point, i was up early to go run one morning around 5am, when my phone rang. it was a guy from high school. i didn't recognize his number (why would i? it was not like he had ever bothered to contact me back when we were in the same school anyway) and answered. he coolly asked me what i was doing up (dude, i should be the one asking YOU why you are calling me at this ungodly hour) what was i occupied with these days, and whether i had a boyfriend. then he hinted at getting together to 'catch up' some time.

UM, OKAY.

whether i have a boyfriend or not, i still probably wouldn't ever go out with you, mister.

***

people tell me i have an 'intriguing character'. i'm sure they mean it as a compliment, but it's difficult for me to leave it at that. do all of them really mean it? or are they just drawn to how i look?

maybe people think i'm an easy target? that the girl who used to not get any attention from guys, would now be so pleased at getting any at all, that she would just foolishly be led along by swinging compliments and gifts?

it is so difficult for me to tell who's real and who isn't.

the grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it?

when i was, well, BIGGER, i used to think that life would be better if i dropped some weight. then i lost the tub, learned how to dress somewhat more femininely, grew my hair long, and gleaned some knowledge on how to slap on a bit of makeup. i guess i've improved my appearance, and have become what i always wanted to be in the past.

but now i see a whole different side of it. girls, maybe it might be more difficult to have any guys pay attention to you when you have less confidence in your looks, but know that if a guy does notice you then, he is likely attracted to the person you are and not just the surface.

haven't you ever wondered why so many attractive girls still struggle with relationships and finding the right guy? 

looks have not, are not, and will never be a strong enough factor to keep a good man.

granted, looks may cause a physical spark of attraction, but to keep a relationship going? it takes much more than that.

***

gawd, i'm rambling like a senseless idiot. i had better shut up.







No comments:

Post a Comment