Saturday, January 29, 2011

SUCKER

i hate it when people say irritating things like "gosh, dont you know what that means?" or "it's self explanatory" in that particularly nasal, stuck up, snobbish tone, their voices dripping with contempt.

and then, when pressed further, they just give you a look of annoyance, and walk away without answering you.

i've never done this before, yes, i admit that. and the very thing a smart person should do when faced with something new is to ASK. you might argue that i could do things on my own, but why do so and potentially mess things up, rather than ask a few simple questions and get it right the first time? but you're too dense to see the logic of that reasoning. but anyway, thats not the point.

look here, you. im smarter than that, and i know perfectly well why you do what you do, and avoid answering any of my questions.

you say that, because inwardly YOU dont know the answer either, and you're afraid of it being revealed that you're so ignorant of something that YOU should be so well versed in. so to cover it up, you put on this veil of arrogance and pretend to be so very appalled that i, a newbie dont know what it is, to avoid looking like a fool having to explain it to me. so there you go parading around with your nose high in the air, giving us snivelling looks of disdain, psshaw.

like, who on earth do you think you're fooling with this miserable act?

ME???

*bursts into screams of laughter*



oh my, oh my, that was funny, it was. im still wiping away my tears of mirth. as if i could be fooled by your poorly enacted, pathetically constructed show.

whatever, asswipe. isnt it extremely humourous, that you refuse to explain anything to me, when part of the purpose im trying to figure this out is to help you acheive something that you're supposed to do on your own? but nahh. methinks i shall stop being so nice and let you do all the work instead, since you're so good at figuring things out and 'self explanatory-ing'. hows that sound to you, loser? :D

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

FREAK

before i begin, i wanna say that i am back to normal!
*jumps*

seriously, i hope that my previous post didnt scare anyone or make them think that im some crazy screwed up emo weirdo.

i feel random, so i shall blog! 

there's a really cute guy working in the finance department. i wonder if he's a student  helper, hmm. he certainly looks young enough. i hope he never sees this, id be so mortified. or wait, i dont think i'd be mortified. being the smooth talker i am, i should just flip my hair, flash him a smile, and ask him out for lunch. HAH I KID. :D

waiting for the next class to start in inti's library. nothing much to do, so i've been reading xiaxue's ancient blog posts, from like 2003? her blog is really damn funny! i've been reading it for the past half hour and giggling maniacally to myself, and the people sitting around me are giving me weird looks, as if to say "who on earth is this freak who was allowed to enter an institution of higher education?" the first few times i tried to suppress my laughter, or disguise it by coughing my lungs up, but then i gave up doing that soon. whatever like i care what they think.and so now i just freely let out huge coarse guffaws, which im sure is making people think that im some kind of uncivilized lunatic.

















read her posts about molesters and racism! you'd be tickled too!

***

oh yeah i forgot to tell you guys about this funny incident the other day.

i was hanging out at empire, waiting for a friend. it was a weekday, hence not many people were around. so i was mulling around, willing the time to pass as fast as possible so that she'd come soon. i walked into this shop, and the guy working there was pretty good looking. he looked bored as hell, so i decided to try and make some conversation with him to occupy myself with something to do.

i walked nearer to him on the pretext of checking out some of the stuff near the shelves where he was standing, all the while trying to think of something to say to him. as i approached, i caught his eye, he gave me a slight smile and a look of acknowledgement.

my brain stalled for a bit, and then i opened my mouth and said....

"so how much do you get paid here, anyway?"

the very second those words came out, i was like "where the hell did that come from?!!" i was tongue tied, kicking myself for being such a doofus. the guy looked at me appraisingly with this expression which was somewhat amused, and at the same time a bit surprised. shit, i felt like such an idiot harhar. i bet that he immediately threw me under the 'gold digger' category. my friend happened to call to tell me that she had arrived at that exact moment, and i thankfully scuttled off, feeling like a fool.

OK MY CLASS IS STARTING SOON NICE TALKING TO YOU GUYS BAI!! :D
 


INNER REFLECTIONS

somehow the past few days i've had my mind held captive, bound by all these deep thoughts. most of them are highly emotional, surprising, uplifting, intriguing. i never knew i had such capacity to contain such thoughts, let alone produce them.



and on a sidenote, most of these recent thoughts arent related to my previous post kay.
ahem. and so i shall continue.

ive been thinking so much i think im gonna explode. i dont think ive been doing so intentionally, its just something that creeps up upon me as and when it pleases. i've been zoning out much more than usual, up to the point where i drift off into my own little island of thoughts surrounded by mist and fog where time crawls on, and everything's such a blur, until someone nudges me and i come back to reality with a jolt and realize that everyone at the room has been staring at me while my mind was wandering everywhere but, with my eyes staring off blankly into space, glazed with indifference to my surroundings.

i feel so overwhelmed and emotional. im such a mishmash of feelings now that i dont even know what exactly it is that i feel. i dont know whether to be overjoyed or woeful. i only need one small thing to tip over this bloated bucket of emotions, and i seriously feel that i'll either burst into tears or start singing "if you're happy and you know it" at the top of my lungs.



i feel like falling on my knees in the rain, breaking down in tears, chest heaving and sobbing relentlessly, until i have nothing left to give. i feel like bursting out in laughter, arms open wide, face turned towards the sky in delight, rays of sun shining on my face, eyes closed and heart content, taking in every breath, until there is nothing left to take.

im sorry.

sometimes, the reason i dont talk about myself, is because i want you to ask.

sheesh.
this is so unlike me.

and, NO this way i am currently has not in any way been caused by anything to do with the opposite gender.

Monday, January 24, 2011

DEEP THOUGHTS GIRL, DEEP INDEED.

just finished a whole heap of college related stuff, and now am free to escape. at least, for the time being.


so, i'd just finished college today and i was walking to the bus stop, not exactly ecstatic with the fact that i had to catch a bus during the peak hour when people are crammed so tight into buses everybody's breathing down everybody's neck. but as i walked out of my college, i almost walked straight into a familiar someone, an old friend.

"HIII!" i exclaimed, excited to be seeing him again after so long. how you've beens, what you've been up tos exchanged, he then offered me a ride home. overjoyed that i wouldnt have to get into a bus bursting at the seams with people, i gladly excepted and hopped into his car.

on the drive home we chatted, about things and stuff, filling each other in on the gaps of the past couple of years. then out of the blue he asked me this question. "you and him, what went wrong? i thought that you guys made a great couple."

i told him, very VERY briefly what happened. not that i was in any way wanting to hold back things from him, but just because i didnt feel like opening up old, unpleasant memories again. but as i talked about it, i realized, maybe too late now, how much i had let a silly high school relationship affect me and get to me, when any sensible person would have known that high school relationships dont usually hold much anyway and moved on.

seriously, i cringe when i look back on the way i reacted, how i had let it impact me, so much, in such a terrible way. how could i? how could i have become such a bitter, angry, depressed, person, and let all that negativity tear down that perception of life that i once had? i had been such a happy go lucky, cheerful, spirited girl, with a ready smile, and wings on my feet that gave me a little extra flutter when i walked. a girl who was as idealistic and optimistic as they come, but let all that excitement and enthusiasm crumble away into cold nothingness the minute something knocked me off my feet. 

i could've sprung back onto my feet the moment that happed, i couldve been strong and stubborn and fought it, but instead i let it drag me down into a vicious spiral of darkness and hurt.

dredging up past thoughts now, i hate the person i had let myself become because of one small silly little mishap that id had with the world. one small curveball that life threw me, and i caved. i really hate myself for it, as it was my fault and no one else's for becoming that way. i hate the very person i had let myself become back then, years ago. yes, things that were harsh, but i, ME, i'm the one who could have made the decision to be strong, to fight it and say no, this is not who i am, and who i will never let myself become.

but i guess i was weak. i let that anger, bitterness, and jealousy manipulate me into this twisted, sick person who took pleasure in pain. i let it sap away so much of me, my time, my emotions, my energy, my happiness. i guess that it even ate away at my friendships, ripping away huge chunks. but seriously, i dont blame anyone for leaving, nobody likes being around someone who's constantly depressed and bitching about life anyway.

im ashamed of it, yes. but that doesnt mean that im still that horrible pessimistic person today. where is she anyway? 
*looks around* 
nope, she doesnt exist anymore i guess. :) instead, this huge (literally as well as metaphorically haha), happy, feisty person who sees the world through a sweet pink sugar frosted window, who is raring to get up and go, to take on the world and have the time of her life doing it, has risen up and suffocated that small, gloomy, malicious person.

it was a good lesson from a bitter experience, and id be able to handle a similar situation well, if it were to ever come my way again, touch wood. i guess that in a way, im glad that it happened when it happened, as it made me a whole lot more mature a whole lot faster in that sense and im now smarter about things like that.

.
i grew, up and out of it. it was gradual, and involved many nights of crying myself to sleep, whining over the phone like an emotional sadcase to anyone who'd listen, and thinking all kinds of crazy illogical thoughts, but i've left all that behind and emerged a better, stronger person, and for that im glad.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

WHAT WAS IT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR AGAIN?

hi, all!

i havent updated this blog for like what, 5 days already and to most people it wouldnt mean anything but i feel queer, as if something's missing from my daily routine if i dont blog for more than 2 or 3 days.

i did mean to blog, but got caught up in so many things ; CNY shopping, COLLEGE (the main culprit), outings, assignments, basketball, etcetc.

will get round to it, but right now im squeezing this post in between other work, so this'll have to be just a quick one, more than not just to satisfy my blogging deficiencies. :)

so i just got back from dinner at the datuk's house (datuk as in respected person in society, not datuk as in an old man haha) and came here for a bit to get some work done. logged into my nuffnang account just to see who's been checking me out and stuff, and guess what?


some idiot googled "where can i post my number for a bunch of pervs to see" and google led them to my blog, WTH.

i've gotten other weird search keywords too, such as "how to remove armpit stains" and "robert pattinson naked"
LOL!

so yup thats all i wanted to tell you guys and ill be back in a couple of days!
and i MEAN a couple of days, seriously. will update by tuesday, and that's a promise!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

RAINY SUMMERS

ive been so lazy to dig out my pictures of recent happenings here and there but i promise you that i will get to it, i will! eventually! :)

in the meantime, have a look at this video!


those are 10 commercials that have received emmy nominations (since when do they give out emmy nominations for commercials?) and they're awesome! creative, different, interesting!

and this one, which supposedly won 8 awards at cannes?



and this diet commercial



so keep yourself occupied with that for now and i'll be back as soon as i can :)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

SPEAKING OF WEIRD DREAMS...

i just had another one yesterday.

i dreamt that someone was coming after me, i was running away from them, and suddenly i ran into this guy's arms.

know who this hottie is?


in case you dont, (in that case wth is wrong with you have you been living in a cave for the last one year) that's wes chan, one of the driving forces behind wong fu productions. :D


watch the best man video! it's super cute!


hawwttt!! 
:D

and not only is he attractive, from what i see, i think he's also one who's intelligent, sensitive, a good conversationalist, and has depth. in other words, someone i wouldnt mind going out with.

yeah so anyway, he was holding me, but i was still struggling to break free and keep running, but he was trying to reassure me that everything was fine, to calm down, but i was still really disturbed and distracted and doing my best to get away.

when suddenly, 
he tried to hold me still and kiss me.

and,
i freaked out, slapped him, hard, and made a break for it.

HAHA!

so now i can literally say that i turned wes chan down, even if it was in my dreams!


Friday, January 14, 2011

WHITE DRESS

so my shitty week is still prevailing, and im still majorly fed up at things.

i just hate, HATE it when people make EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING i do, their business, no matter how insignificant and meaningless it is. one little statement i make, one small thing i do, and they're jumping all over it demanding to know the meaning behind the action, why i did so, why i said so, and furiously dissecting it at a tremendous rate, throwing in all their own assumptions and whatever nonsense, and coming up with all THEIR bullshit theories on every single thing i say or do.

im seriously fed up with this crap. i mean, yes, if it were something which actually held substance, i wouldnt mind you coming and asking me, but some nonchalant statement such as me mentioning what colour i dislike, and theyre all over it. like, jeeeezz! can you just stop following me so closely and breathing down my neck, stop being so high strung and rigid, just cut me some slack and chill?? it's not like there's a major, earth shaking, deep rooted reason for everything i do or say, hello! some things are just casually mentioned and then there's no serious thought that goes into all of my sayings, so STOP IT!!!!

STOP BEING SUCH AN INTERFERING PRYING ANNOYING BUSYBODY!!!!!

=.=

there's still a lot more that i have to say, but if i were to pour out everything thats running through my head right now i'd probably end up writing an article the length of a whole harvard student's final semester experiment, so the coupla paragraphs of rants i've put out above will have to suffice.

so now im gonna talk about something else.

i just woke up a few hours ago, from a very interesting dream.

so in my dream i was in a white wedding dress, wearing a veil, all ready to get married. (???)



and for some reason, i had flaming red hair, down to the length of my waist. (????)



yeah the colour of my hair was something like this.

so it must've been like half an hour before the ceremony was about to start, and i was gonna be married to
this guy. yes he's someone real in my life, as in someone i know, but no way im gonna tell you who it is or else all of you would be making assumptions right and left. but i have no idea why it would particularly be him, as he's someone i'd forgotten all about and havent talked to for like what, three years already?

and i remember standing in front of a full length mirror looking at myself, feeling very confused, lost, worried, insecure, etc. the me in the dream was me as i am now, and i was thinking all these thoughts like "im not even 18, how can i be getting married?" "i dont even love this guy, why am i marrying him?"

my bridesmaids were fussing over me, arranging and rearranging the train of my dress, oohing and aahing over the way i looked, but with all the disturbing thoughts bouncing around inside my head, i couldnt take any of that in.

i ripped off the veil, handed it to one of the bridesmaids, shaking my head telling her to tell everyone how i couldnt go through with the wedding, and i then got the hell as fast as i could out of there.



weird, huh?

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

JUST BECAUSE

im not in the mood for blogging, but i'm doing so because well, deep down i still love my blog and blogging, however screwed up things might be.

first week of college, and i'm off to a rocky start already. 

why so?

maybe it's because of the shitty timetable? the heavy, dense, classes? the conflict with my parents? the turmoil and insecurities within?
the ulcer the size of a small country in my mouth? the (likely) fungal infection on my right pinky?

or maybe all of the above?

oh well, when life has hit rock bottom, the only way it can go is up, so i'm gonna suck this in and deal with it. you wont get me down, any of you. life is too short to be marred by these petty trivial things and im sure as hell not gonna let anyone have the satisfaction of ruining my day.


Sunday, January 9, 2011

SAME OLD NEW YEAR

updating for the heck of it, since there's not much else to do now anyway.
:)


so today i went to parade after church. went to sasa to see if they had their inhouse brand's retractable eyeliner, sasatinnie, but it was sold out. so i walked over to empire to check out the sasa there, but turns out it was sold out too wtheck.

seriously, i love sasa's eyeliner! so affordable, yet it's so pigmented and long lasting! i can wear it the whole day and it wont budge the slightest bit! 

well actually i still do have their eyeliner, but i just wanna get another one because that's just how awesome it is. :D

but it was a good thing i ended up at empire cos diva was having this crazy sale where stuff was priced at rm10-15. seriously i was torn deciding which i should get as there were so many nice things but i had limited cash :(

i'd decided upon this reeaally pretty necklace with strings of pearls and a diamente ribbon, and was contemplating buying another necklace of a sparrow encrusted with diamonds, but only ended up with the pearly one eventually.

but i'll be going to pyramid tomorrow with arief and ben, so i'll be able to check out the diva there then!
just hope that they'll be having a sale as well!

***

so it's off to college tomorrow, to a new semester.

hope that this one'll be better than the previous one. not that the previous one was bad, to say the least. i loved the subjects, immersed myself in the books and in that regard, everything was of such immense interest to me and i love my course so much, it's really my passion and it's like i KNOW, that im meant to be doing this, taking masscom.

 but apart from that, in other areas, i was just floating around being nonchalant and feeling so indifferent about everything else.

yeah, im being vague. 
it's intentional!

if you know me then you'd know what im talking about, right? ;)


PRETTY LITTLE MONSTERS

it's 3a.m., it's really quiet, nobody's online, and my overactive brain has gone into overdrive. an incident happened yesterday that set off a chain of thoughts.

yesterday when i was playing basketball, a guy arrived at the court with his girlfriend. the girl was bespectacled, lanky, and had bad posture, but she isnt the focus of this story.

when he saw her, one of the guys said 

"holy f*ck, ugly chick. potong steam, cannot shoot already."

i didnt say anything because we were in the middle of our game and well, also because me and this particular guy have had a nasty feud in the past and now steer clear of each other.

anyway, my point is,

if she isnt very good looking, SO WHAT?

what the hell gives people the right to put  down others and condemn them, purely for the way they look?
and the laughable thing is, this fella doesnt exactly have what it takes himself to be deemed 'handsome' either.
but even if he did, SO WHAT?

i hate, HATE it when people think they are entitled to belittle someone else, and insult someone over the way they look, when it isnt that person's fault if they are a certain way.

even if you DO possess good looks, there's no way in hell that that puts you in the position to do so. 

did you work hard to look that way? is there anything you did to deserve having large eyes, a sharp nose, fuller lips?

NO YOU DIDNT. 
you got it from your genes, so stop parading around like you're all that.

or even if you DID work hard, spending your whole life in the gym, and slaved for money for liposuction, plastic surgery, and whatnot, i still say, SO WHAT?

UNBEAUTIFUL PEOPLE STILL DESERVE TO BE TREATED AS EQUALS.

im not talking about people who look lesser than they could be because they cant be bothered to comb their hair properly and put on some makeup. im talking about people who are just plain born not having the good fortune that some others have to look beautiful, and try as they might, cant do anything to change that.

screw people who are so shallow and superficial that all they see is whats on the surface.
for all you know, she could be a great cook, have a dynamite personality, be a wonderfully kind person, but all you would ever see, would be an 'ugly' girl.

that would be YOUR loss, you smug, self superior, depthless, ostentatious idiot.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

ANOTHER DAY

went out with sheng nee today. wanted to shop cos of late i've been finding shopping more enjoyable than usual.

and i forgot to bring my camera!
*kicks myself*
so all these shots are from my lousy camera phone. :(

went to the usuals ; forever21, cotton on, kitschen, etc, but didnt find anything i really liked, save for these two pieces.


this red polkadot tube top is totally cute but im still thinking whether or not to get it, rm30, blehh. i mean, if it were that amount for a tee, skirt, or dress i wouldnt mind, but its just a tube top. even now at home sitting in front of the lappie blogging this out, im still wondering if i should go back and get it.

*dilemma*


i think this dress is pretty cute too, but it's stripey, and i have like one stripey dress already! wait, i ONLY have one stripey dress! which means that i should totally get it, right? hehe :)

but i think it makes me look like a total pear wei


yeah, a pear. 
cos i'm a lot smaller on top, while having a monstrosity of a bum.

shiets. 

why couldnt i have been blessed with an hourglass figure, like blake lively?


oh! this picture popped out when i google searched her and hmm, come to think of it, she does look kinda heavier on the bottom too!
(or maybe it's just a flukeshot and no she doesnt have a big bum, she's totally hot but shut up dont rain on my parade)

BLAKE LIVELY HAS A BIG BUM TOO!

ahh, my world has suddenly become a better place :D

whoops look how far ive digressed.

so, where were we? ah yes, the dress. should i get it or not?


yes or no? should i or should i not?

decisions decisions, you guys have no idea how difficult a girl's life can be :D
aiyah whatever lah, if it's still there the next time i go there i think i'll get it.

we watched The Tourist


which in my opinion, was a totally shitty show. the whole show, the WHOLE DAMN SHOW, was all about angelina jolie. 

yeah, ALL ABOUT HER. doing the most mundane things!


angelina jolie walking.


angelina jolie standing. 

Angelina Jolie Angelina Jolie is spotted filming a scene with Johnny Depp for their upcoming film "The Tourist". The pair shot a scene where Depp climbed aboard a water taxi in which Angelina was riding in. The filming was allegedly shut down early for the day, as too many fans surrounded the set, prohibiting the production to run safely.

angelina jolie waving.


angelina jolie looking around.


angelina jolie folding a newspaper.

and all through out the movie, she does everything with such a forced, unnatural poise and helluva gracious fake smile plastered on her face that you'll probably have a sore back and a tired jaw just from watching her.

angelina jolie, angelina jolie, angelina jolie!!

im sick of her!
someone give me something prescribed for an overdose of angelina jolie!

damnit, seriously, the whole movie was a freaking waste of time. i kept anticipating for something to happen, someone getting shot, some raunchy bedroom scenes, a policeman digging his nose, whatever!
anything to make a difference to the overload of angelina jolie in this movie!

ok, i wouldnt have minded seeing as much of her as i did, provided there was some good action and an interesting plot, but NOOOO. i think the directors mustve thought "we wanna make a movie that sells. sex sells. angelina jolie is the epitome of sexiness. and since A + B = C, angelina jolie acting in our movie = kachings. eureka! thats it! all we need is angelina jolie! whats that? an interesting plot? humour? action? mystery? suspense? NOOOOO, we dont need that! all we need is angelina jolie!!"

screw the directors, seriously.
the movie was a total waste of time and money.

i cant imagine anyone wanting to watch this movie, unless you're a crazy fan of hers. and even then, i'd still say that you're better off just staring at a poster of her for two hours that to put down your ten bucks on this movie.


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

BLOODY MARY

it's that time of the month again (which explains the title of this post) and i feel like a bloated, oversized, gargantuan, grouchy, whale.


my back hurts. my stomach's knotted up in cramps. i'm letting out fart bombs the way an M16 lets out bullets. i feel heavy and listless.

curse this shizz, i feel like tearing my ovaries out and ripping out my uterus.


too graphic?

well, you've no idea how it feels when this happens so suck it up and live with it. unless, of course you're a girl, you'd understand perfectly what im talking about, how i feel, and undoubtedly agree with me. and if any females were to in any way differ in opinion, you'd be mad. stark raving bonkers. who the hell likes getting their period?

oh horrible horror. oh miserable misery. oh agonizing agony.

so anyway, i dont like guys with beards. who likes guys with beards? not me, eww. guys with beards make me totally suspicious. they always look like they're up to something, and have the beard to cover it up.


doesnt this guy look like he's totally got something up his sleeve?
he looks like he's gonna rob a bank or hijack a plane.

and come to think of it, i dont like guys with moustaches either. 


like, how in the world does this guy make out with his girlfriend? oh, i get it! he doesnt, because he doesnt have one!

plus, imagine all the little insects and whatnot which could be living inside that huge, hairy, nest. creepy much.

this post might have been offensive to some, but whatever!