Thursday, September 30, 2010

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW ME

this is such a superficial shallow post so if you're one of those who go around telling people "hey who cares if you have dangly arms, or saggy thighs, you have to love your body cos we're all beautiful!" you might wanna click that red X at the top right of this page now.
NAO.

its funny when i look back at pictures of myself in the past, and remember how even then, i used to complain about not being thin enough, cos now when i look in the mirror, i wish that i could look that way again.

it might not have been fantastic, but it sure beats the way i look now.

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yes it took guts but here it is, a current picture of me.
urgh i look so so so fat i hate myself!
.

SML max
(my acronym for the more popularly used FML - SML : screw my life, cos i dont believe in swearing)
.
seriously, i've been eating so little the old me would prolly have looked half starved but i still dont get why the hell i've been gaining weight. been watching what i eat like a hawk, and going for runs a few times every week, and i've also been chugging at least a cup of green tea daily cos i hear that it helps.
.
iit sucks to go out with my friends, and they go ahead and order whatever they want while i smile and politely decline because i wanna get all this excess baggage off so bad, but dont see any results. it sucks when my mum buys food back for my family, and i have to pick and choose what to eat because i dont want to eat stuff im not supposed to. it sucks that i have to think about what to eat, and plan my meals, instead of normal people who're able to just go ahead and eat whatever's on the table. it sucks to be so picky and have people think of me as a nitpicky fusser.
X(

it sucks that i cant wear clothes that normal girls wear, like jeans and shorts. it sucks not to be able to keep up with the current trends in fashion. it sucks to go out and be surrounded by skinny, slight boned chicks cos it makes me feel so self conscious and insecure.


was talking to some girlfriends the other day about this and they said it's prolly cos my body's adjusting to the changes its experiencing now (irregular sleep patterns, inconsistent mealtimes, getting less food than its used to) and that i should be back to normal when my body finally comes round and gets used to things.
.
:(
i damn well hope that it does, and i get back to looking 'normal'.





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